four days

like any other sensible human being this time of year, i am subsisting almost entirely on cookies and cookie-like substances, with occasional actual-food (uhh...mostly tacos, pizza, and fried chicken) thrown in.

i did make raspberry and blackberry thumbprint cookies on saturday, and they turned out incredibly well, considering i was hangry and opened a Guinness after dropping the butter on the (freshly cleaned) counter:

 on sunday, E made chocolate peanut butter no-bake cookies, and i got busy wrapping All The Things:

i'm crazy about that Santa wrapping paper. so crazy that i bought three rolls of it last year. the red! the blue! the vintage-y-ness!

also on sunday, i participated in Family Cookie Fun:

it was great! we had Christmas music on, and there were several bursts of three-part harmony. Little V had a marvelous time, and i snapped what is now one of my top favorite pictures of Mom:

she mixed a bunch of sprinkles on a plate, frosted the cookie, then dunked it face-down. she called it her "instant-decoration" tree. and she thought i was just taking a picture of the cookie, so she didn't try to pose. i'm sneaky like that!

today, i don't have clients til 5, and i've been a busy little dragon. did some dishes, paid the cable bill, ran a load of laundry (must remember to make more laundry detergent tomorrow), put up my gingerbread village:

(this one's my favorite)

worked on a mitten (trust me, it's a mitten.):

and made the dough for the molasses cookies i'm taking to the office party tomorrow afternoon.

double the recipe, i said. it will be fun, i said:

that was with two more cups of flour left to work in UNTIL NO STREAKS OF FLOUR REMAINED. i took a deep breath, reminded myself that i am a professional (no really, i used to do this for a living), abandoned the wooden spoon, washed my hands, and dove in. fold and smoosh, fold and smoosh, fold and smoosh. gently, so as not to overwork the flour. making sure to scoop from the bottom so everything got incorporated. it's delicious, and is doing its thing in the fridge.

still to come: a trip to Greenfield Village with E's family on wednesday, present-wrapping and cleaning and french toast casserole assembling and midnight church service with Mom on thursday, and then NO MORE SLEEPS YAAAAAY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

stuff and things. and things. and stuff.

- i woke up yesterday with a very tight and sore upper back, and it's still bothering me today. it's not keeping me from doing things, but it's bad enough that i'm going in to work early so i can get adjusted (which i meant to do on wednesday, and put off. BAD IDEA.).

- it's been cloudy for days here. not rainy, unlike Portland, which is on its 18th consecutive day of rain (a record, even for them). it's making for some very mellow lighting:

- E and i did the Shopping Extravaganza yesterday, and had a lot of fun! traffic was very manageable, and the lines weren't bad at all, even at Toys R Us. we left the house at noon, had cheeseburgers for lunch, Buddy's Pizza for an early dinner, and were home to walk the dog by 7:30. Quite literally, the only thing i have left to pick up is some dry sausage for my brother.

- speaking of sausage, Mom texted me to say that a box marked "perishable" had been delivered, and was now on the back porch. i asked from whom, and she sent me a picture of the shipping label, which originated from a smoked meats company in Wisconsin. i haven't been by to get the box yet, and i still don't know who sent it, but i may be the lucky recipient of bacon-by-mail for the second time in my life.

- i still have a few cards to write and send.

- i did indeed get straight As this semester, which brought my cumulative GPA up to a 2.56! (long story involving calling off a wedding and moving across the country twice in a 3-month period. don't ask.)

- the forecast for the weekend: cloudy, with a 100% chance of cookies. i'll be making thumbprint and molasses cookies on saturday, and E wants to make chocolate no-bakes and peanut butter blossoms on sunday. we also have the option on sunday to decorate ugly sweater cookies with my mom, sister, and Little V who, it turns out, likes to decorate cookies but doesn't really care for eating them. or chocolate, or cake, or milkshakes, or any candy other than suckers and lollipops. this kid has no sweet tooth AT ALL. K told me that the first time she gave Little V chocolate milk (out of desperation, because the pizza place only had chocolate milk, not plain, and the kid was about to melt down), she took one swig and declared, "This milk is BROKEN!"

- i'm having a little trouble really getting into the Christmas spirit this year. i mean, i'm thoroughly enjoying the lights, the music, all the preparations like usual, but...i feel a little flat. maybe it's the unseasonably warm weather/lack of snow. more probably, maybe it's the fever-pitch of hatred and violence that is all over the airwaves. so much death and destruction, and all in the name of a God who i'll bet has quite an afterlife surprise in store for those who disseminate hate and think they're doing His work.

off to shower, then off to the post office and work! more later!

half-day

on sunday, E had a glorious day of doing absolutely nothing except eating and hanging out on the couch watching NCIS (okay, and doing some laundry), and she expressed the heartfelt wish that I, too, would have a whole day to do fuck-all sometime soon. what i'm getting instead are several days where i get to pretend that i'm back at Fest, taking my allowed half-day off. and today is one of those days!

i slept in a little, aided and abetted by the animals. they've gotten very good at strategic snuggling. effectively, they have learned how to pin me under the blankets and go limp, so that i have either to wiggle my way out at the top of the bed (because God forbid i disturb a sleeping animal) or accept my fate and go back to sleep.

i got one round of dishes done (it's been a little busy here, and things have piled up), signed and addressed a few Christmas cards, wrapped some presents bound for Oregon, made and wrapped some babysitting vouchers for K and J (and by "made", i mean i cut sheets of cardstock into thirds and wrote BABYSITTING in sharpie on each one), folded laundry, cleaned the kitchen, hung out with E when she came home for lunch, and ate approximately ten vanilla bean sugar cookies from this recipe (minus the almond extract, and minus the frosting). I'm watching Little V tonight, and decided that slice-and-bake cookies (plus a bottle of sprinkles) would be a nice low-mess activity. the recipe calls for dividing the dough in half, so i baked half as a test-run:

they're not the most photogenic cookies in the world, but they're delicious, and that's way more important! also, there are sprinkles all over my kitchen now, because they roll right off of the cookies unless you press them down a little. so much for low-mess. hope my sister has rimmed cookie sheets.

one semester of school is finished! they haven't posted grades yet, but unless i'm very much mistaken, i earned a 4.0 this semester. and i'm all registered for next semester, too: Chemistry 105 and College Algebra, here i come! one of the girls in my Biology class will be in my Chemistry class, and we *may* have jumped up and down a little while squealing, "lab partners!!!1!.

you know what's amazing? being able to rent textbooks. seriously. if i were to buy all of my books from the school bookstore, it would run me $530. but renting the two textbooks and buying the lab manual and answer key will only cost $246! THAT i can handle!

what else? mom, K, and i took Little V to see Rudolph: The Musical, and she completely fan-girled OUT, except when Bumble was on stage. scared her out of her mind, poor kid! she was shaking and crying so hard at one point that the six-year-old boy in front of us turned around to reassure her that it was just a giant puppet.

E and i are both off on thursday, and we're going to finish up our Christmas shopping. it's rare that we get to do that together, and we're excited! she has to get...well...pretty much everything, i think, and i just have a few more things to buy. a memory stick for her mom, puzzles for Little E, sausage and cheese for my brother, a card for Little V. a couple more ornaments...a couple more giftcards...not bad for starting later than usual!

there's nothing like taking the dog for a walk on a cold night, then putting on soft, warm pajamas and eating ham and bean soup.

i'm a huge fan of all things cozy. fluffy socks, tea with lemon and honey (and sometimes whiskey), NCIS marathons on the couch with my love and our animals. things i can eat from a bowl (i LOVE bowls). crock pots, and the tasty things that come out of them. hot coffee in my favorite mug. crawling into bed, early, with a good book and the cat on my chest. warm laundry. clean sheets. Ella Fitzgerald and Frank Sinatra on the radio (er...Pandora station). thunderstorms in the night. hot showers. wrapping Christmas presents. a quiet house. cake. smashed-up baked potatoes with butter, salt, and bacon (eaten from a bowl, obvs). yarn. making things with yarn. belly-laughing. belly-laughing with E.

i'm not a huge fan of waking up with a scratchy throat. or math tests. especially math tests that have to be taken after waking up with a scratchy throat.

last night, i had the whole day planned. wake up, coffee and breakfast (healthy, high-fiber, no-sugar-added cereal...with marshmallows, because i'm a grown-up and i said so, that's why), start laundry, take math test (which is a "once you open the link, you're committed for the next four hours" thing), make more laundry detergent, clean the kitchen and bathroom, do more laundry, finish the little warm hat for the fetal pig i'll be dissecting on Tuesday.

it's been two hours, and i've only gotten through coffee and breakfast. and E will be home for lunch soon, so there's no point opening the test yet.

ok. new plan: start laundry. make laundry soap. do the dishes and sweep the kitchen. have lunch with E. take a long, hot shower. put on pajamas, robe, and fluffy socks. make tea with lemon, honey, and whiskey. take math test. crawl into bed with yarn and the cat.

coziest sick-and-have-to-take-a-test day ever.

last night

before:

during:  (Dallas gets canned pumpkin pretty often as a treat, and he was absolutely ENTRANCED. also, i can't believe it took us thirty-odd years to figure out that cut-open trash bags are the ideal under-pumpkin barrier.)

Ta-Daaaaaaaa!!!

(no filter of any kind!)

 i am going to marry this womon SO hard.

the traditional morning-after breakfast!

it rained for the third year in a row. i made homemade macaroni and cheese with smoked sausage. we had lots of trick-or-treaters, and watched Army of Darkness and Ash vs The Evil Dead. Dallas spent a couple of hours making whiny tortured dog noises from his crate, despite consuming three hot dogs in bits and pieces. Houdini lived up to her name and made a break for it, returning with a tail full of pickers. we ate too much candy. we slept in. we ate more candy. we had oatmeal pancakes and bacon for brunch. hope your Halloween was happy, too!!

freeeeeeee

the stars aligned, and gifted me the magical combination of a Monday with no clients til 5, and a Tuesday with no class or lab (college inservice day) and no clients til 4!

TWO. MOSTLY-OFF. DAYS.

even better: my math professor doesn't post our weekly assignments til sometime on Tuesday afternoon/evening, which usually frustrates me, but today just gives me even more of an excuse to play.

not that things aren't getting done; i have a load of laundry going (the dryer got fixed yesterday!), and a little later i'll do the usual dishes/counters/stove/floor cleanup in the kitchen. but let me tell you, being curled up on the couch in my new robe, with a craft project and my coffee...mmmmm.

yep, those are cereal marshmallows. we found a source that sells 1-pound bags of them for $3.99 (nuts.com)!!!! i ordered a bag for my sister for Christmas, but...well...i mean, i'm not going to gift substandard marshmallows. so we ordered a bag for us, too, and they are exactly how marshmallows should be.

oh!!! and the new robe!! YOU GUYS, THIS ROBE!!!!!!

it's like a hoodie and a robe hooked up and had a baby, and the result is the softest, warmest, most delightful...it's....like wearing premium butter. i was never a robe person, and now i know it's only because the perfect robe did not exist until now. i'm sad to take it off at night, and happy to put it back on in the morning. last night, i slept in it.

Houdini loves it, too. it's a cat magnet!

in non-robe-related news, on Saturday, E and i dressed up as Rosie the Riveter and helped set a new Guinness World Record for the most Rosies (2096!!!!) in one place:

(excuse my finger. jeez.)

it was so much fun! there were 43 original Rosies, each wearing a rose made out of the bandana fabric, and the rest of us came in all sizes, shapes, and ages (even babies!). to make the record count, we had to stand together for 5 minutes, and we passed the time by singing the national anthem, God Bless America, Amazing Grace, and America the Beautiful.

stay tuned for pumpkin-carving, Halloween-y-ness! Have a great week!

merrily

things are rolling along nicely here.

i'm finally starting to settle into a work/school/study groove (and, as far as i can tell, i'm currently getting straight A's). it means that i don't have much time for phone calls or hanging out, depending on the workload from week to week (for example, last week i had a biology test and a math quiz. this week, i had a biology lab test, and i have math homework problems due this weekend. next week i have a math quiz AND a math test, so add the test review to this week...etc, etc, etc.), but at least i no longer feel like the proverbial chicken. E has been in the next level of training, too, which means several of our evenings have been spent studying together on the couch with mugs of hot tea. it's been lovely.

Little V and i made a batch of homemade cheese crackers on Saturday. she helped mix the cold butter and shredded cheese into the flour (i had to get out the vacuum after that), and she used one of her blunt little toddler knives and helped "cut" the dough:

and you know what? they were the best damn cheese crackers any of us had ever had! i plan on making several batches the next time we have a party, and using some mini cookie cutters to make them all fancy.

E and i celebrated our third anniversary on Sunday. three years! we got all disgusting and schmoopy, and spent most of the day coloring in one of our new coloring books:

we also went to dinner at Carrabba's, which is kind of turning into a tradition. such delicious food! E loves their Chicken Trio, and i'm a huge fan of their tomato cream sauce. the wine (Ecco Domani merlot) was great, the desserts were great...the whole day was great, honestly. i am lucky beyond words to have a partner who is so smart, sexy, funny, kind, and generous. and, who has my back like i do hers. absolute magic.

i'm currently tucked into the upstairs massage room at work, doing math homework and waiting for my first client (of three) to arrive. after work, it's back to school for College Night - there will be representatives from 45 colleges, all with information. it ends at 8, and work ends at 7, so i will be doing a lightning-fast Information Collection Tour ("Nursing School? You has? Gimme!").

things i learned today:

how to solve algebraic equations containing fractions

fermentation is anaerobic respiration

you make hard alcohol through a process called fractional distillation (i'm REALLY enjoying this biology professor!)

deciding whether the statement, "When looking through a microscope, less light allows you to see more detail" is true or false is not easy when you have a background in stage lighting. define "less light"! of course you need to be able to properly see the sample on the slide, but too much light will wash out the details! THIS IS NOT AN EITHER/OR SITUATION.

after a month of what felt like never-ending places to be, i have decided that i am not leaving the house this weekend unless Absolutely Necessary. having already worked this morning and purchased the required groceries for tomorrow's slow-cooker meal (hamburger stew), all that remains is a trip to PetSmart for dog food, and that can wait until tomorrow.

it's gray and stormy outside. the leftover beans and ham are reheating on the slow cooker for later. i am settled on the couch, post-coffee-and-vanilla-sandwich-cookies, seriously considering a nap. not out of need, but because the house is quiet and i can think of nothing lovelier to do with myself.

i finished Bring Up The Bodies (by Hilary Mantel) this morning, and i *could* start on another book in my pleasure-reading pile. or i could do some dishes. or i could start a load of laundry, but the dryer belt broke (Mer-cur-eeeeee!), and the weather's a little too iffy to hang the clothes outside. i could clean the bathroom. i could play with some yarn. i could do a few math homework problems, but i aced my first math test yesterday (and my first biology test on Tuesday!), and my brain deserves a day off.

yes. it's the perfect day for a nap.

slow start

someone needs to make an alarm clock that adjusts to one's personal sleep cycle, so that you are still woken up in plenty of time to get ready for work/the day, but you are NOT woken up mid-REM sleep.

come on, brain. three hours is more than enough time to get yourself together.

the bed needs to be made.

the dishes need to be washed.

the second crocheted baby sock needs to be finished.

the second biology chapter needs reading.

the math homework needs doing (but you got the concept, which is impressive).

the bags and backpack need packing.

the clients need massaging.

the niece and nephew need to be played with and snuggled.

the s'mores blondies need to be baked.

come on, brain. you can do this...

feels.

all of them.

i'm heartbroken that Michfest (as we know it) is no more. we, all of us, will never be together like that again. i tried to walk the fine line between being aware of/enjoying all the "lasts" without dwelling on them, and mostly i succeeded. the deep, deep sobbing and wailing really only happened once for me: Saturday night, when i watched the Night Stage go dark (except for the work lights) for the last time.

  i'm full to bursting with love, though. and joy. and gratitude. that, out of all the people and possibilities in the world, we won the fucking lottery. we got to experience this place, be changed by it, broken open by it, healed and made whole by it. and we were so gentle and open with each other. all of us. god, how i love all of us!



i'm amazed at the depth of the Fest Magic this year. everything i wished and hoped for, happened. the worker bands were blue (my favorite). there was a rainbow after the thunderstorm on Sunday evening. there was a sign-up sheet for opening ceremonies, and i got to wear all white and hand out acorns to my sisters, saying "take what you love from this land, and plant something beautiful". i slept on the Night Stage my last night there, by myself, under the stars. every time i opened my eyes, the Milky Way above me had shifted. and the soft, soft light of the Night Stage bowl at dawn....mmmmmmm. and best of all, E was able to make it up for the weekend! the gates close at 10pm, and she skidded in at 9:59 (in the pouring rain).

i'm numb. i don't know how to unpack. i'm washing things, and putting them back in the safe places they live between Fests, knowing that there won't be any more Fests. i'm not washing things, because they still smell like the Land.

i'm still feral. and i'm resolved to stay feral. to live as like a Narnian as i can, even if there isn't any Narnia.

i'm nervous and excited, because tomorrow is my first day of school. Biology and Intermediate Algebra. a new path. a new beginning. a confidence, and a sense of certainty, that are a direct result of the nine times i joined thousands of my sisters in the Michigan woods.

i carry them with me. always.

the 26th

tonight, E and i will go to sleep with the promise of 1,138 more legal rights than we woke up with this morning.

i remember what it felt like, the day i admitted to myself that yes, i was a lesbian. i remember the realization that i was, essentially, forfeiting a huge chunk of the rights and privileges that i had been born with. that, henceforth, i would be at the mercy of hospitals, landlords, employers, you name it. and for some of those things, the tightness in my chest remains.

many of us are still not protected from discrimination in housing or employment. there is still work to be done.

but, to be recognized as a full citizen again.....!

to be able to legally marry the woman i love....!

to be able to make medical decisions for each other, to be able to stay at each others' side no matter what the attitude of the conservative nurse or doctor. to file taxes together. to be on the same health insurance plan, PERIOD - no more hoping an employer offers same-sex partner benefits. to automatically be considered the legal heirs to each other, without the costly process of filling out and filing legal documents. to be recognized, BOTH OF US, as the legal parents of any children we may have or adopt.

and i only had to wait 15 years. some have waited their entire lives. and some never lived to see this day.

thank you, SCOTUS.

goals

the financial aid fell through.

BUT.

i am nothing if not resilient, and have come up with an alternate plan. it will take me slightly longer to get through school, but hey, the time's going to pass anyway...and speaking of passing, the most pressing issue right now is quick-learning enough math to pass the assessment test and get into college algebra. (hell, i'll take intermediate algebra, too - the fewer classes i have to take, the better!)

my sinuses freaked out again, just in time for me to be pretty miserable the whole time K, J, and the kids were here last weekend. i think i'm allergic either to Windex, or to something in the heat/ac system of Mom's truck. those are the only two constants. anyway, today makes day 7, and i'm mostly feeling better! but i have to tell you about the awful night of coughing, two nights ago, that found me sitting on the kitchen floor with the cat, sipping whiskey out of a shot glass at 2am. fortunately, it worked! LOL!

the goals for this weekend:

Math
Light housecleaning
Math
Snuggling (etc)
Bake something
Cook something (healthy-ish, to balance whatever gets baked)
Math
Math
Math
Laundry
Math
Play with cat

and that's it! Happy Weekend!

recap

whoa. six months, huh?

i guess some sum-uppage is in order:

i survived back-to-back December sinus infections while spending a large chunk of time being a reindeer (sometimes Rudolph, sometimes Doctor Reindeer, depending on the whims of Little V).

Oasis Hot Tub Gardens in Ann Arbor is very clean, reasonably priced, and super f*cking relaxing.

one of us turned 36, and the other turned 37.

E discovered the most amazing brownie recipe known to womonkind. 

i made a special trip out to Portland. meet my new nephew, Little D:

E is on week three of her new job with Comcast (comm tech), and ALL THE CHANNELS ARE BELONG TO US! (mostly, this is exciting because of how much money we'll save, but also SO MANY SCIENCE AND HISTORY CHANNELS OMG!!!!)

this new job means that E will only get to go to MichFest for the weekend...if she gets to go at all.

this will be the 40th, and FINAL, Michigan Womyn's Music Festival. that's a whole separate blog post in and of itself, and there are still too many feels to sort through to write it now.

Portland wooed me hardcore with all the springtime glory it could muster. i bought some yarn that captured all the different colors, and made it into arm warmers:

Dallas and Houdini have been free-ranging together for the last several weeks! He is absolutely obsessed with the cat, and she is...pretty tolerant of him, actually, considering that he has no boundaries and interprets her warning meows and swats as "YAAAAYYY WE'RE PLAYING".  but hey, she's not a basement-dwelling kitty anymore, and we're all a lot happier for it.

i'm partway through a new blanket:

we're in the thick of wedding planning, and anxiously waiting for the Supreme Court to let us know if we'll be doing that here or in a different state (or country - Canada's only 20 minutes away). we're also on the fence about what we'd like to do. get legalled ASAP with a justice-of-the-peace ceremony downtown with ten guests, then go out for barbecue? or wait, and have a big shindig in my mom's back yard (also involving barbecue)? or get legalled now, and have the big party later? AAAAUGGGHHH.

at least we found the perfect cake toppers:

so that's done.

the timing is further complicated by my returning to school this fall. i'm finally taking the plunge and aiming for a BSN!!!!! I KNOW!!!! but there's the whole financial aid thing to consider. the upcoming school year is already covered (yay Pell grants!), but if we get legally married in the state of Michigan this year, i won't qualify for as much aid next year (or the two years after that). so...yeah. we're torn between doing it as soon as legally possible, and there really being no rush at all. Comcast offers same-sex partner benefits, so we'll be ok on that front if we choose to wait. but...MARRIED! but...financial aid! but...it's 2015 and we could keep track of anniversaries so easily! but...not enough time or money to get all our friends and loved ones together the way we'd really like to do. but...we were so looking forward to our first Fest as a married couple...but, new job/bad timing...

mostly, we're breathing and reminding ourselves that the marriage is what matters most - and we have a great one, officially recognized or not. the rest is just details (and an excuse to eat cake and lots of barbecue.)