small

I'm sure it's a combination of hormones, weird dreams, fear, and frustration at how slowly some things are happening, but today I feel small and tired and a little bit weepy. You know how some days, you feel like you're on top of a mountain, triumphant, looking out over the valley spread beneath you, and other days you feel like you're at the base of the mountain, looking up at how far you still have to go? Yeah. That's how I feel today.

Mostly, it's stemming from having a lot of debt (mostly student loans) and not being able to throw much money at the problem. My income's been holding pretty steady, and it's most likely going to increase, but...well...I spent so much of the past 3 years in extreme poverty, not being able to take care of things, that it's hard to shake the mindset of "things are getting better, but OMG I have to hold on to every penny I can in case x, y, z happens...."

I need a plan.

I need to take it one thing at a time, at least for a while. Ok, maybe two things at a time, because even if I'm only making very tiny student loan payments, at least it will show good faith...right?

Thank You, God, for holding my hand as I confront my fears. Thank You for the abundant business that will enable me to pay my debts. Thank You for continuing to keep things at bay so that I can deal with them one at a time. With You, all things are truly possible, and I can't wait to be out from under this burden!

So. What can I do today?

I can make a tiny payment on both the student loans and a credit card. I can make my bed and put my laundry away. I can start on a baby bonnet and booties for E's brother and his wife. I can create momentum. I can be hugely grateful for all the amazing things in my life. I can go to work tonight and earn a living doing what I love.

Ok. Here goes.....